Hey nerd. What’s your name? Emma?
It’s me, that cool guy from Be My Girlfriend. How bout you get your nose outta that book and come ridin dirty with me in my red Mustang convertible. What’s that? You don’t need a fancy car and bulging biceps to please you? Come on Emma, you’re a nerd, I’m pretty much the coolest guy in school.
Man, I hate nerds.
They’re intelligent. Wear glasses and they’re always bangin’ on about space, computer games and comics.
Hold on. I fucking love all those things in girls.
Does that mean I have a thing for nerds? Or I’m a nerd?
But I don’t have acne or a back condition. Or braces.
I must have a thing for nerds.
Well… nerds that look like this.
Oh Emma Watson, you are the queen of all nerds. Not only are you amazing looking and a total banging babe, you play Hermoine in Harry Potter. Holy shit yes, I have no doubt most nerd boys have you plastered all over their rooms. In fact they probably have a shrine made up right in between their Lightsabres and their personal collection of Starship Troopers fan fiction.
Alright, so I know the whole Hermoine thing is no reason alone to say you’re a nerd but seriously… I read an interview with you where you said after this Harry Potter business is over you’re going to quit acting and go to university. WHAT A FUCKHEAD THING TO DO, NERD. Honestly. I know you actually have no talent for acting whatsoever but seriously you’d be the female equivalent of Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. Seriously, have you seen Match Point? His acting in that movie is woeful but I sat there thinking “Well yeah, I believe you cause you’re so good looking.”
THAT COULD BE YOU!
Honestly, is Scarlett Johannson a good actor?
WHO THE FUCK CARES HAVE YOU SEEN HER FACE?!?!
(UPDATE: Someone just told me that she topped her year in English FOR THE ENTIRE UNITED KINGDOM. NEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD)
And you know what? I know I’ve got a chance. You know why? I’ve seen your boyfriend? What a gimp. Seriously. Is he related to Lurch from The Addams Family? I mean I’m certainly not what you would call good looking but holy shit, you’re dating the fucking BFG. And I mean, LOOK AT YOU.
Emma Watson, be my girlfriend.