What. The. Fuck. Is. Up. Baby. Girl.
Yes. Would. Anytime. You are such a babe. It’s incredible.
First things first, if you don’t know who January Jones is YOU GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. Nah just kidding, you wouldn’t necessarily know her unless you watch Mad Men like me. She’s Don Draper’s wife, Betty. This is how I first discovered January and I have been a shit hot fan ever since.
In the show she does that like “adoring housewife with suppressed issues” thing and holy fuck she does it so well I just want to marry her and comb my hair into a side part and let her cook me a baked dinner while I drink scotch and shout at the “picture box”.
I’m sure she’s not like this in real life but in the show she acts like the best wife ever and when she gets dressed up I start kicking the screen in frustration.
WHY?! WHY THE FUCK WASN’T I HANDSOME GENTLEMAN BORN IN THE 50’S!
LOOK AT HER! She dresses like some quirky bitch who’s way into roller derby and tattoos but THAT’S JUST NATURAL FOR HER (character).
Okay, before I get started on this next paragraph I need to say something.
I do not and never have had a FOOT FETISH.
Contrary to the following paragraph I don’t have some crazy obession with people’s feet. At All.
I just have this weird inkling that January Jones’ feet would be really amazing. OKAY SO I KNOW THAT’S WEIRD but seriously like, I feel like if I ever met her I would just be sneaking these glances at her feet to see what they looked like. It wouldn’t be a romantic or sexy thing, it would just be a HOLY SHIT GREAT FEET JAN thing. Don’t ask me why, it’s just my instinct.
Also, calling her Jan would just be awesome and not like Jan as in her name is Janet, cause I’m not a fan of that, but like you were starting to to say January and just stopped. Like Jan-. See? It’s such a nice nickname.
OHHHHHHH the times we would have together. Having a cookout on a Sunday afternoon, organising our child’s birthday party, making extremely racist jokes to our friends about our Latin servants.
It would be paradise. Plus I’d get to see this amazing woman naked.
January Jones, be my girlfriend.