Hi guys, to start off today’s post I thought I would share something completely unrelated I wrote this week. It has nothing to do with Karen O. Nothing. At. All.
Untitled Prose 2010 - Dominic Miller
This week, you were in my town playing a festival and once again, I let you go. WHY CAN’T I TELL YOU HOW I FEEL? Why can’t I let you in? When you were standing there onstage I saw it in your eyes. It was my last chance wasn’t it? You were saying Dom, give me a chance, I can make you happy. We can be one. Together. Forever.
BUT I’M TOO GODDAMN PROUD. *SINGLE TEAR* And all I could do was blow you a kiss before you walked away forever again.
Sometimes I walk along the boulevard and in a moment of weakness I scream at the night “WHY?! WHY CAN’T I LET HER IN?!?!”
But the night has no reply.
The night is like my heart.
Dark, quiet, heavy.
I don’t have a giant ball of gas burning inside my heart.
Sorry guys. Just have a lot of emotions and need to set them free you know?
So anyway, starting now with talking about Karen O. Cause as you know, I haven’t yet.
Karen, O KAREN! The ultimate indie boy’s crazy Jewish girl fantasy. You’re incredible. You excite and terrify me in equal measure. I’m in love with you. I mean, you’re fucking babing, you scream like a banshee and ladies and gentlemen, THAT. FUCKING. NOSE.
I think with you I have the “taming” fantasy. I picture myself as Robert Redford and you’re the screaming, whinnying horse trying to break free. But with a little hard work, you’ll settle down beside me and let me hop in the saddle (ACCIDENTAL SEXUAL INNUENDO ALERT).
You’re such an alpha female I think to catch you I’d have to do some kind of “I’m the tougher one in this relationship” thing. You smash a bottle over my head, I eat the shards of glass. You stab me with a knife, I get a glass and drink the blood (EDWARD CULLEN YESSSSSSSS). You shoot me with a gun, I stare you down and remove the bullet with a hunting knife. Eventually, the competition would kill me, but at least we would have spent some precious moments together.
Coincidentally I saw Karen play with her amazing band at a festival this week and after the show I spoke to a few other males who had also witnessed the spectacle. And it’s weird, they all had the same response.
Me: Hey did you see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs yesterday?
Them: *mouth drops open and they slowly nod their head*
And you know why that response is so common? Because every male that same old feeling.
“I’m so happy that you actually exist, but incredibly sad that I will never, ever, ever get to kiss you in your amazing face.”
You ask any heterosexual male, this is a GENUINE problem in most of our lives, the fact that there are SO MANY ATTRACTIVE FEMALES out there and we will never get to cry in the foetal position in their bed after sex.
You know that lame thing you have in a relationship where you say “okay, if I ever meet this famous celebrity in real life, it’s okay to sleep with them.”? Mine is always, always going to be Karen O.
But really, I’m kidding myself, look at her.
Karen O, be my girlfriend.