Ladies and Gentlemen. I present to you. The Big Nose Girl.
Sure, you’ve all seen a big nose before and possibly you consider it an unattractive feature. Me, I love it. I know that’s weird and I know not many of you will agree with me but seriously, get me a Streisand Schnoz on a lady and I’ll go weak at the knees.
So, I present to you my first Big Nose Girl (and believe me, there’ll be a few), Feist. And just look at it.
I’ve always enjoyed Feist’s music (I have a soft spot for the girlie singer-songwriter shit) but really, I never considered her a babe. That was until I saw her at Laneway Festival at the beginning of 2008. I was excited to see her; she was one of the main attractions for me so I fought my way to the front of the crowd. I was looking forward to her meek, laidback performance. Possibly even a marijuana cigarette would be passed around between the chilled out crowd members and we would all settle into a nice stoned-guy haze swaying softly to her sweet voice.
What faced me was a she-devil, wailing and crashing about onstage wearing a bright yellow jumpsuit. Drinking, screaming and still putting on an amazing show. And holy shit. That nose. That fucking NOSE.
I have several male friends who go a mental for it too. A girl with a large beak walks past a bar we’re sitting at and we silently turn to each other and nod with mutual admiration. It’s not uncommon for some men to have this attraction. And I reckon Ms Leslie Feist is WELL. AWARE. You know why?
Check out her album cover.
It’s a silhouetted PROFILE shot of her, perfectly showing the size and beauty of her fantastic nose. If she doesn’t know, someone on her management team has a nose thing just like me and made sure of that cover. Some people would say it’s the only reason I bought the CD, but they’re also the kinda people who believe that I’m a total freak and truly think that the women in this blog will one day actually be my girlfriends. Grow up fuckhead, get a life, no wonder everyone shits in your sandwiches.
Leslie, what I’m saying is, don’t go all Jennifer Grey on us and get a nose job. Cause then no one will recognise you and Patrick Swayzewon ’t wanna be your movie boyfriend anymore.
Feist, be my girlfriend.
Oh and by the way everyone, Merry Christmas.